It felt like drowning in a big puddle of natural aphrodisiac…

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand Grains of the golden sand–
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep–while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

What is the definition of a soulmate?  When we look it up in the dictionary it says;

“A person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet. A connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. As this connection develops over time, you experience a love so deep, strong and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have ever truly loved anyone prior. Your soulmate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness and happiness when you are around them. And when you are not around them, you are all that much more aware of the harshness of life.”

My heart has been beating a quiet drumming rhythm, weeping in silence. Every day breaking a little bit more. This silly and careful, but curious heart didn’t listen to the demon mastermind. The heart overruled the mind ever since the first words were spoken. It was my favorite drug, pure addictive. It was like dynamite, Chinese fire work, a magnetic connection and divine interference all mixed up in a big puddle of natural aphrodisiac.

It ruled my whole life, every waking moment, every precious dream. It felt good, it felt safe, it felt as if I was able to take on everything. At times speaking without words, mostly connecting in humor, wittiness or more serious hours. Inseparably linked to each other.

And so now it feels as if my heart has died. It’s in pain, it’s crying, it’s weeping, it’s numb. It feels as if I am incomplete, like I have lost half of who I really am. It feels as if I am living my life in an alternate universe. Watching life as it is from a distance and I don’t know if it will ever be the same again.

I have made mistakes, I tried to hard…to hold on, to protect my connected soul, but I failed. It is a fact….when you try to hold on to something with every fiber in your body, in utter desperation, fighting against the bitterness of the truth that’s luring around the corner of your heart…you will most likely lose the battle.

What do you do when you meet your soulmate but you lose each other? Than what do you do?