I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand Grains of the golden sand–
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep–while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
What is the definition of a soulmate? When we look it up in the dictionary it says;
“A person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet. A connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. As this connection develops over time, you experience a love so deep, strong and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have ever truly loved anyone prior. Your soulmate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness and happiness when you are around them. And when you are not around them, you are all that much more aware of the harshness of life.”
My heart has been beating a quiet drumming rhythm, weeping in silence. Every day breaking a little bit more. This silly and careful, but curious heart didn’t listen to the demon mastermind. The heart overruled the mind ever since the first words were spoken. It was my favorite drug, pure addictive. It was like dynamite, Chinese fire work, a magnetic connection and divine interference all mixed up in a big puddle of natural aphrodisiac.
It ruled my whole life, every waking moment, every precious dream. It felt good, it felt safe, it felt as if I was able to take on everything. At times speaking without words, mostly connecting in humor, wittiness or more serious hours. Inseparably linked to each other.
And so now it feels as if my heart has died. It’s in pain, it’s crying, it’s weeping, it’s numb. It feels as if I am incomplete, like I have lost half of who I really am. It feels as if I am living my life in an alternate universe. Watching life as it is from a distance and I don’t know if it will ever be the same again.
I have made mistakes, I tried to hard…to hold on, to protect my connected soul, but I failed. It is a fact….when you try to hold on to something with every fiber in your body, in utter desperation, fighting against the bitterness of the truth that’s luring around the corner of your heart…you will most likely lose the battle.
What do you do when you meet your soulmate but you lose each other? Than what do you do?
Maîtresse, embrasse-moi, baise-moi, serre -moi Maîtresse, embrasse-moi, baise-moi, serre-moi,
Haleine contre haleine, echauffe-moi la vie,
Mille et mille baisers donne-moi je te prie,
Amour veut tout sans nombre, amour n’a point de loi…
Ooohh men speaking with French tongue, doesn’t that make every women’s heart beat at least ten times faster? I have to admit I get weak in the knees whenever I hear any French. It doesn’t matter what, I don’t care. To me everything sounds beautiful and romantic. I am sure the fact that I don’t understand 90 % of what is said, makes it even more romantic. Simply because the sound of it is mystic and sensual. Or let’s just say it as it is: its….a major turn on!
What is it with French men? They all know how to treat a woman right, they seem to be born with the perfect ability to flirt and with eyes to seduce. Of course they get help of the perfectly shaped surroundings in beautiful and romantic cities as St Tropez, Nice, Orange and Paris. And let’s be honest, they’re not too bad to look at either, do they?
So if any French man wants to parler with me next year….than who am I to say no?!?! Yes…France is definitely gonna be one of our destinations… and I will let them parler all they want…
I had to say bye, to a very important person in my life today. We meet almost 2 years ago, when something not so very good was happening in his life. He sent me a request on fb, and I accepted, cause we had common friends there. I remember I was intrigued about his profile pic. I wanted to see his face, to know him. So I started posting on his wall, just silly messages almost everyday. Finally one day I had the chance to talk to him on fb chat…and thanks to a very a malfunction of the chat, he gave me his email, and we kept talking there. Have to say…I bothered him a whole week…sending emails…or leaving messages on msn every time i saw he was connected. Was kinda annoying!! Hehehehe, but thanks to that, we started to talk more every day, to get close and share things. What can I say? I was falling in love with him…without even knowing in person!! It was love at first sight! (Not only happens in movies…nope!)
Then one day, one night, he told me he liked me…and that’s how all started. I had a meeting next day, with just a friend, and he was jealous…and well…I liked that…I couldn’t stop thinking about him during the day! I wanted to talk to him, and not be in the meeting actually. We started our relationship…little by little. And in one week, we had very strong feelings for each other. I can only say that, I met a wonderful man, an amazing person in every sense. So very good friend, brother, and lover. I found my other half, that one person in what you think every single day, that person that makes your heart skip some beats, that makes you have thousands of butterflies in the stomach every time you read an email or connects. And I can say that after 2 years, that still happens. He still makes me feel all that and more. This trip is an opportunity for him, and I’m very happy cause of that, cause he will be able to do what he loves. The only thing I wish is that we can keep being together, loving each other like the beginning or even more. That distance and time difference won’t be an obstacle. That nothing will separate us. It will be hard, but not impossible!! Nothing is impossible. Especially if we love each other.
Just say…he is my beautiful dream.
Today I said goodbye to one of my closest friends. Not forever, but at least a very long time. It’s for him we created this blog. “So I can read what you 2 are up to when I’m not around!” he said. He’s the “big-little brother” I never had. We met a little over 2 years ago in the strangest way, almost as if it was meant to be.
I guess almost all of us had them, rebound lovers. The lover you have when you try to get over the one who stole your heart away. It’s a terrible thing to do, but needed and if you are lucky it works. Long story cut short? Jumped in bed with a long-time friend, convinced myself I could most definitely fall in love with him. He was handsome, sexy, funny and protective. What more could I want? Did it work? No, it didn’t…not at all. Karma hit me hard when I lost him and in the end my heart still belonged to someone else. So I cried for weeks, you know the ugly kind!
And then there he was. Determined to keep a promise he made, determined to make sure I would not give up on love. From day one he was my big-little brother, taking care of my broken heart, taking care of my wounded soul. Past 2 years he more than once had to change shirts after I cried on his shoulder. By the way right after he would kick my ass and tell me to “stop whining and stop feeling sorry for myself!”
So now I dropped him off at the airport so he can start his trip to Alaska and work as a photographer as he so loves to do. What he needs to do. It’s not forever…forever is such a long time! It’s just a year…what’s a year? It’s just 365 days! That’s nothing! I will admit I had a minor panic attack this morning…how on earth am I gonna make it without him? What if something happens to him? What if he needs me? Nah…he’s a big boy! If he can do this, than so can I! Right?
Maybe I should start planning too…. New life, new start, new, trip, new adventures. Now where were we…Paris, Rome, Venice and Sevilla. Planning starts now…
“We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open.”
Since I’m a kid, I love the idea of traveling to different places, meet new people and cultures of their own.
Feel the power of the nature and the magic of a place.
To plan this trip, allows to integrate even more into the adventure it is.
It is be able to incorporate small pieces of a city, before visiting. You feel the emotion to the surface, feel happy and excited to be able to achieve what you want.
Have the chance to travel with a friend, to meet that person with who I’ve been talking the past 2 years, is a great excuse to do this trip, hehehe. Have a good time, have fun and enjoy.
Have long talks walking on the beach and looking at the guys around 😉 I’m kidding! We are very good girls…but hey we have eyes!
Anyways, what I’m trying to say is, life’s a journey, a long one.
We have the chance to decide how it will be. What people we want in our life, with who we want to share certain things. Have the chance to feel part of a place.
This trip, will be a new chapter in life.
I just hope it to be what I expect, what we both expect!
Is good to dream..
“Resolution number one: Obviously will lose twenty pounds. Number two: Always put last night’s panties in the laundry basket. Equally important, will find sensible boyfriend to go out with and not continue to form romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobic’s, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits or perverts. And especially will not fantasize about a particular person who embodies all these things”
Yes, that’s right, I am borrowing all the above from Ms. Jones. I am sure she doesn’t mind when she realizes my life if just as fucked up as hers is.
It is Sunday 8. July 2012 and I am trying real hard to not feel horrifying sorry for myself. 3 weeks ago a very close friend of mine got married and I just read on my Facebook page an “online-friend” is expecting her first baby. Lately I seem to have these really freaky dreams. You know the kind where there is a pink elephant riding a bike on a wire while juggling baby monkeys? Something like that, just replace the pink elephant by me. With all the weddings and babies around I’ve been doing a whole lot of dreaming lately. Dreaming and remembering. Mostly to a point where I don’t know if the dream is a memory or the memory is a dream.
So about those resolutions! Okay maybe not 20 pounds. 10 is okay and doable I suppose, yes definitely 10 pounds! About the panties…yah good point! Definitely good point, Bridget! Find sensible boyfriend to go out with… Can only do that if I stop fantasizing about the workaholic, megalomaniac and emotional fuckwit who embodies all that. Hhmmm that’s gonna be a tough one.
So I am stepping off the path, riding my pink elephant bike into the sunset on my way to some hottie French guy, sensational Spanish lover or divine Italian divo… This new journey sounds sweet, doesn’t it???
europeandreamtrip 